Bootlegs

    First, Tessa pairs Willow with Bono, and Buffy with Larry.  This seems to work out.  Cordelia and Willow fight over Bono, but Willow wins.  Meanwhile, Larry and Buffy are happy together.  But Angel isn't feeling so angelic towards Larry.  He's getting jealous.  Larry is sitting on the coffee table with Buffy when out of nowhere, Angel comes and knocks Larry off the coffee table.
    "Larry's dead." Tessa laughs.
    I go and get Larry and set him on the table, "He just came back to life."
    Again, Angel kills Larry, and again, Larry comes back to life.  After this happens a few times, I decide that Larry should just sit in my hair.  (He's a butterfly clip, that's the whole point)  Adam and Edge were pretty pissed about Angel killing one of their friends, so they ganged up and killed Angel before he could do anymore harm to Larry or to anyone else.  (Not that it mattered, Angel came back to life)
    Things are going peacefully, until all of the sudden, Tessa snatches up Bono.
    "NOOO!!!" I scream.  She gets up and runs.  I chase her all around the house, then outside, all around the pool, back inside.  All the while screaming, "NOOO!!! BONO!!! NO!  HE'S MINE!!!"  This was all about 11:00 p.m..  Speaking of, it's late, I better go home.

    The next day I went over to her house and she did it again!  She kidnapped Bono, and stuck him in the freezer!  Her plan: freeze him and leave him there for the next thirty years, then take him out when the rest of U2 is in their late sixties like the Stones.  But Bono would still be young (Gee, kinda like Austin Powers).
    I objected, "No way man, you're gonna kill him!" Luckily, she went into the back yard (the back-ard) to check out some cat.  I made a run for the freezer and saved Bono from the evil ice box!
    I kept Bono in my pocket, along with the rest of the band, until later that day.  We were at the movie theater waiting to see The Sixth Sense, when I pulled Bono out of my pocket.
    "Bono!!!  No!!!" she squealed.  Everyone stared at her.
    Later, we are back at her house, at the most unexpected time, she kidnaps Bono and Edge.  She holds them for ransom.  What's the ransom? you say.  She will give me Bono and the Edge in exchange for Adam and Larry.  I chased her around the house some more, all the while screaming and trying to be as threatening as possible.  After awhile, she stops and sits in the chair and shows me two butterfly clips, a blue one and a white one, expecting me to go after them.
    "How do you know this is Bono and Edge.  How do you know it's not Willow and Xander?"  I knew it was Willow and Xander.  Bono has more glitter on his wings than Willow does, and Xander has a messed up spring.  I just went into her room and stole bono and Edge, right out of their metal lunchbox prison.
    Eventually I bought the U2 butterfly clips from her for $1 and now they're all sitting happily in the change bowl on my counter.

Click here for the original email that started this whole mess.