That pesky little klepto!  I dont know what the hell he plans to do 
with them.   OK and you know what? I asked Larry (basking in the 
flourescent light, sprawled on the fax machine, he happened to be 
the nearest one) why Bono stole them, he gets up, grumbles cuz I 
interrrupted his nap, and walks off to find Bono.  I don't know 
where he is but he's probably camped out on a bookshelf.  Anyway, 
Larry comes back and tells me that my shoelaces will be returned in 
exchange for the Tabasco sauce. 

Huh?   uhhh... no. 

Bono steps out from behind my computer, a bundle of shoelaces in his 
arms, looking irritated.    

"You gonna give me back my shoelaces or what?" I say. 

"Not till I get some Tabasco sauce." 

"Tell ya what, tomorrow, I'll take you to the taqueria and the flea market." 

Bono is overjoyed.  Not only is there Tobasco sauce, but the flea 
market is full of trash: black vinyl, leopard-print things, lowrider 
shirts.  and it's so cheap you don't have to spend a fortune to look 
trashy...